


I wish I was special

by AwkwardPotatoChild



Series: Soekawa Fanweek 2020 [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Conversations, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Happy Ending, Insecurity, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Relationship Problems, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25052107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwkwardPotatoChild/pseuds/AwkwardPotatoChild
Summary: Soekawa gets invited to one of Semi's concerts for the first time.Day 5:firsts ||formal wear|| music/idol AU
Relationships: Soekawa Jin/Semi Eita
Series: Soekawa Fanweek 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808197
Kudos: 8
Collections: Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020





	I wish I was special

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5! We're getting close to the end!  
> Hmmm...I wasn't sure if I should tag music/idol AU since it's technically canon, but...oh well.
> 
> Loosely inspired by [Hoppipolla's cover of Creep](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYRpGohNjoI)
> 
> If you haven't already, please read through my [Soekawa hcs](https://dangcommaannie.tumblr.com/post/622102453193736192/with-shiratorizawa-fanweek-coming-up-on-the-29th) before reading!  
> If there are any mistakes, let me know!

When Soekawa saw Semi clad in leather like that, it took all of his power not to ravish him right then and there, especially not before the first time he was about to see his boyfriend perform live afterall. The cool outfit was such a far departure from the eyesores he wore back in high school that Soekawa had to do a double take to make sure this was actually his boyfriend he was staring at now. He was chatting idly with the rest of his bandmates as they went through their soundcheck together and Soekawa couldn’t help but look around in awe at everything going on. Spotting him, Semi gave Soekawa a wink from the stage causing Soekawa to look away shyly, blush spreading across his face. He went and sat down at the bar, waiting for the band to finish up.

Soekawa and Semi weren’t always this close. Sure, they had been friends during their first and second year at Shiratorizawa, but it was more of a friendship forged out of two people being stuck in the same situation and less about two people who willingly found each other. And it’s not that they hated each other or anything either. They just...weren’t as close to each other as they were to some of their teammates.

That all changed though, when they made it to their third year. Semi suddenly found himself no longer the star setter and while Soekawa was blessed to be a vice-captain, he was only the second vice-captain and still a non-regular at that. Years of being the team’s confidant and everyone’s older sibling made it easy for Soekawa to spot the shift in Semi before he even noticed it himself. He found him practicing late with Ushijima in the gym one day after everyone had left. Soekawa swapped places with their captain, telling him to go rest and silently assuring him that he would take care of everything. They said nothing as they practiced, but it wasn’t long before Semi’s feelings got the best of him and he ended up missing a set. The breakdown that followed was inevitable and Soekawa said nothing as he sat with him well into the night, allowing him to yell, scream, and cry as much as he needed. When he calmed down more, Semi managed to voice his insecurities, comparing himself to Shirabu, while Soekawa shared his own concerns about his qualifications in comparison to his best friend.

From then on, it wasn’t uncommon for one of them to seek the other out, usually late in the night, to talk about the worries keeping them up. When Semi got swapped out of matches, Soekawa was usually the first one by his side checking up on him and reassuring him that he was more than enough. Semi texted Soekawa often to make sure he was alright. But soon graduation came and they parted, expecting to never speak again, expecting to find their own place within the world.

But how wrong they were when Soekawa suddenly got a late night text during his first year of college.

Semi hadn’t actually expected a response. He kind of expected for Soekawa to have deleted his number or changed his phone number by then. He didn’t expect for him to respond to him rambling about his worries again, but Soekawa did and they didn’t sleep a wink that night as they talked and reconnected, falling into the familiar pattern they once knew. Texts became phone calls, which then became video calls, which then led to meeting up in person on spare weekends, and it wasn’t long before their comfortable friendship grew into something more.

It surprised Soekawa that it took him this long to finally attend one of Semi’s concerts. They had been going out for over a year now and Semi joined the band nearly five months back. He knew between work and school and everything, their schedules didn’t always align, but he did always find it a little odd that Semi would always make some sort of excuse for him to not come. Soekawa didn’t want to think too much of it, wanting to believe it was just a coincidence, but a part of his insecurities kept pestering him in the late hours of the night, lying and telling him that Semi was embarrassed to be with him. He could feel himself growing more concerned, when finally, Semi called last week and asked for him to come to tonight’s concert, their first big performance on a Saturday night. Soekawa readily accepted and here they were now.

Some loud laughter brought Soekawa’s attention back to the band. He made eye contact with Semi, smiling brightly. Semi returned the smile, but Soekawa also couldn’t help but notice how he looked away immediately after. He watched as some of Semi’s bandmates appeared to be joking and teasing him. One of them gave him a shove and nodded in this direction, further adding to Soekawa’s confusion and concern. Finally, Semi sighed, jumped off the stage, and headed in his direction.

“Hey, you okay?” Soekawa asked when Semi got close enough. He reached out to hold Semi’s hand, but it was limp in his and he frowned. Semi noticed immediately.

“Yeah! I’m good! I’m fine!” he said quickly. “I’m totally fine! Nothing to worry about!”

“Are you sure? You look a little pale.” Soekawa held the back of his hand against Semi’s forehead. He frowned and shifted it down to cup his cheek instead. “If you’re nervous, you have no reason to be. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

Semi leaned into the touch and sighed. Soekawa watched as his boyfriend seemed to be pondering something before he looked back towards his bandmates.

“Hey, Soekawa and I are gonna go outside for a little bit and get some air.”

Semi nodded to the door and pulled Soekawa along with him. Behind him, he heard giggling and there was no doubt in his mind that someone was likely giving them suggestive looks.

“Oh yeah, some air. Right,” someone called out.

“Shut up!”

Everyone laughed openly at that and Soekawa couldn’t help but look back and give a small wave as they walked through the door, into the small alley running alongside the building. Now alone, Soekawa turned serious and he waited patiently for Semi to tell him what was on his mind. He frowned as he watched him look at everything besides him and began fiddling with his jacket zipper.

“You, uh, you like me, right?”

Soekawa’s brow furrowed. “You’re my boyfriend and my friend? Of course I like you.”

“I know!” said Semi. He sighed. “I know, but like, y’know, there are plenty of people who don’t actually like the people that they’re dating, so I just.” He groaned. “I don’t know. Forget it, actually. This was stupid. Let’s just get back inside.”

Semi tried to talk away, but Soekawa was quick to pull him back. He held Semi’s hands gently in his, rubbing circles onto the backs of them.

“Eita, what’s wrong?” he asked. “We’ve known each other long enough that I can tell when something’s bothering you and you know I don’t like seeing you unhappy.”

Semi finally looked up at Soekawa, a sad look in his eyes that made Soekawa’s heart ache.

“So, I’ve been thinking about us a lot lately and I’m just.” Semi sighed again. “I’m just having some doubts.”

“Oh. I see.”

Soekawa felt his chest tighten. He took a deep breath and blinked rapidly to try and keep his tears from falling. He pulled his hands away and took a step back. The fact that Semi wasn’t saying anything after seeing his reaction only solidified the answer to his next question.

“Do you...want to break up?”

“What? No. No!” Semi quickly explained. His hands went up to cup Soekawa’s face and he pulled him close. “I don’t want to break up with you! I love you! I’m just worried you want to break up with me!”

“Wait, what? Why?” Soekawa shook his head and now reached up to hold Semi’s hands. “Eita, I love you too and I don’t want to break up either. Why would you think that?”

“Because-” Semi groaned and pulled his hands away before pacing around the narrow alleyway. “Because I don’t know what I’m doing,” he explained desperately. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Jin, and I feel like you deserve better.”

“Eita.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing. I only accepted this job as a civil servant because I don’t know what else to do with my life,” he continued to explain. “I joined this band only five months ago and as much as I like it, there’s no guarantee that we’ll be successful. I have no back-up plan of any sort because I still don’t know what I want to do with my life and really, the best part about it is you and I feel awful about it because I feel like I’m just taking advantage of you. You’ve always supported me, even since high school, and I feel like I haven’t done much for you and it makes me wonder if you want to leave or if I should just end it now, so you can move on and find someone better.”

Instinctively, Soekawa gathered Semi into his arms and that was when the dam broke for both of them. As they both cried and held each other, Soekawa took a moment to reflect and gather his words. He suddenly realized that during all of their years of friendship and support, neither of them have ever talked about their insecurities in regards to their own relationship and each other. They’ve talked about practically every other concern before, but nothing about themselves. The thought of that saddened Soekawa more than he expected and he held Semi just a bit tighter.

“Me too,” Soekawa finally said. He reached up to wipe away his tears. “I don’t know what I’m doing either. Everyone says I’m lucky to have a regular job, but I worry that this is what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life. I thought you didn’t like me and were embarrassed by me because it took you so long to invite me to your concerts. I always feel like I’m taking advantage of you because whenever you talk about your problems and you offer to listen to mine, we always end up talking about my problems. You’ve always been so cool, while I’m just in the background, and it makes me wonder if you should move on to someone better.”

He heard Semi let out a shuddering breath and his hands softly patted his back. They stood there in silence once again, gently swaying from side to side. The sound of a horn honking was what caught their attention and they finally leaned back far enough to look at each other without fully breaking apart. Semi’s eyeliner was now running down his face and Soekawa couldn’t help but give a snort as he reached up to wipe it away. Semi gave a small smile as well and did the same for Soekawa.

“We’re a mess, aren’t we?” Soekawa mumbled

Semi shook his head. “We’re not. Just regular people,” he said. “Regular people that need to communicate better.”

Soekawa sighed. “I should’ve told you sooner and you should’ve told me sooner too. I know how much you love me and I know how much I love you, but at the same time...yeah.”

Semi snorted and nodded. He reached up to brush away a strand of Soekawa’s hair before cupping his face and pulling him into a soft kiss. Soekawa smiled into it, feeling warmth replace the ache in his chest.

“Promise to better talk to each other about our feelings?”

“Promise.”

Soekawa leaned in to kiss Semi this time, pouring all of his love into the kiss and feeling Semi do the same. Neither had any clue how long they kissed, but the sudden sound of the door slamming open made them break apart. Semi’s bandmate gave them both a knowing look as he leaned against the doorway.

“Oh yeah, you guys were definitely getting a lot of air out here.”

“Shut up!”

Soekawa giggled and shook his head. “We’ll be in a bit, okay?”

Semi’s bandmate gave a nod, but it was clear he was skeptical. Once he was back inside, Soekawa turned back to Semi, kissing him one last time, before they went back inside, hand in hand. The future was daunting and there would likely be more cases where one of them held back words, but they knew they had each other on their side and they’d get there together.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> [Reblog this story.](https://dangcommaannie.tumblr.com/post/622638077055238144/i-wish-i-was-special)  
> [Retweet this story.](https://twitter.com/AwkPoooooooot/status/1279091201736572929?s=20)
> 
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